Lost In The Dark
by snowbug18
Summary: Eli is the new kid at Degrassi, not that he's not so thrilled about it, but he meets an amazing girl named Clare Edwards they soon form a strong friendship, he soon falls in love with her but he soon realizes that she has a pretty dark secret.
1. At First Sight

Eli's POV: so I have been moving around to new cities every two months ever since I was 11 years old and it's all thanks to my dad he's a radio host for the morning shows, and it can be really awesome like getting to hear him every day but it also has its down sides like having to go to new schools and make new friends. don't get me wrong meeting new people can be quite awesome but I've slowly come to realize that might not be the case. You see for the past two weeks I've been going to this school named Degrassi and I have met some pretty awesome people like this guy Adam he likes a lot of the same things that I do so he's a pretty chill dude. But now there is some one very special I want to talk about, her name is Clare. Ever since the first day at school I have had butterflies in my stomach, and I feel so warm inside, and I get this feeling like anything is possible when I'm around her.

But lately she has been very distant, like she's hiding something, something she's to ashamed or scared to say I really wish I knew what it was… But to really figure out what's bothering her I should start at the beginning where it all started…

_**2 Weeks earlier:**_

_Mom do I really have to go to school? I mean its always the same, I'm at some new school for a few months and then we always pick up and move, and its not like some thing new is going to happen Eli said(or so he thought). Yes you have to go besides making new friends isn't always bad some times meeting new people is a good thing. And you never know people may surprise you in different ways Eli rolled his eyes ok fine I'll go. Have a great day sweetie his mom yelled out._

_**Pulling up to Degrassi: **_

_Eli pulled up to the school in morty. _As he walked the halls of 'Degrassi he noticed kids gossiping, kissing, and crying and all he could think about is getting through the next two months without any drama unlike his last school which was filled with it. Eli approached his locker, as he turned his head he looked down and noticed a kid reading a comic next to him, is that The Goon he asked? The kid looked up at him in shock yeah why are you a fan? Eli answered with excitement a huge! So what's your name the guy asked? Eli

and you, Adam, its finally nice to meet someone new and normal at this school.

Adam smiled at him. Yeah we'll don't get used to it I'm only here for a few months and then I'm gone. Adam looked at him in disappointment why? Cause my dad is a radio host so his job requires us to move every two months to a new location. Eli returned the disappointed look to Adam.

Oh dude that sucks, I don't know if I could do that. Yeah

we'll after doing since I was like 11 I've pretty much gotten used to the term of "moving around" he threw air quotes in the air as though it was like a routine. Adam looked at Eli and couldn't help but feel sorry for him, all that moving around so glad that I don't have to do it. So what class do you first trying to change the subject as fast as possible? I have English with Mrs. Dawes replied Eli. Adam was stoaked I have her too! Eli was so glad that he new some one in that class, awesome he said.

They walked side by side as they went to English together.

**English class****: **

Eli and Adam approached English just as the bell rang. As soon as they go to sit down Eli notices this beautiful girl with the most intoxicating blue eyes he has ever seen he couldn't stop staring at them. He wondered if there could be any one any more beautiful in the world? He stood in a gaze for a while till he got her attention, hello… is everything ok she asked? Eli replied everything is fine he introduced himself I'm Eli he said nervously, she let out a small chuckle I'm Clare.

He was once again caught in a gaze, he just couldn't get over the fact how amazingly beautiful she is, your new aren't you? He answered with a slight irritated tone what gave it away? Well first off you are sitting in my seat second umm… but before she could answer Mrs. Dawes interrupted, class I have a special project for you guys to do. I want you to partner up and do a documentary on one another's life, of course the entire class had something to say about it but not Eli in fact for the first time since he's been there (a full twenty minutes) he has never been more excited to do a class assignment. Of course there was a reason to his excitement and Adam noticed right away. Dude why do you look almost excited to do an assignment, no offense but that's kind of creepy… which means there is only one reason, you like somebody.

As Eli replied with a huge smile that could creep somebody away, maybe, sort of, ok yes. Well spill dude who is it? And before Eli had the chance to answer Adam automatically knew who the girl was is so he interrupted its Clare Edwards, isn't it he said with a huge grin? Eli just gave him the slightest grin that pretty much gave it away, very nice choice. Right as the bell rang Eli got up quickly and before Clare had the chance to leave he asked her.

Hey Clare I was wondering if you don't already have a partner maybe you want to be my partner he said with a shakiness in his voice? He thought in his head please let her say yes and as he thought this he had a nervous look on his face. As Clare answered he got even more shaky, yeah that sounds like it would be fun, she gave him a warm smile that could melt any guys heart especially with those eyes, why don't we meet after school in the library. Sounds good he replied, they both walked out the door together as they parted ways Eli spotted Adam and before he could get a word in he was jumping for joy with excitement pretty much answering the question that was about to come out of Adam's mouth. So I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess, she said yes to being partners he said in a suttle sarcastic tone.

Eli was way to over joyed to answer he was feeling so weird inside but in a good way.


	2. The Form Of A Friendship

**After school: **

The bell just rang and everyone scattered out of the school, you could see the joy and the excitement in everyone's face. Eli was at his locker getting ready to go to the library you can tell that he was all excited with the huge grin on his face, the way his emerald eyes glowed, and the shakiness in his hands as he struggled to put books into his backpack. Adam sneaked up behind Eli, nearly scaring him half to death "hey, so when is the big meeting with your lover?" Adam asked knowing that its probably driving Eli crazy not knowing what could happen, "here in a few minutes in the library, and she is not my lover", Eli said mocking Adam as he rolled his eyes, "she is just a person who I'm partnered up with, nothing more".

"Oh but you want there to be more though don't you?" Adam asked with a calm, but yet playful voice. "of course I want there to be more, but like I said I'm only here for two months and then I'm gone, there is no use in trying to start a relationship if its going to end just like that." Eli snapped his fingers and then proceeded down the hall to the library with what little happiness he had left to show.

Eli arrived to the library a little bit before Clare did, he was sitting at a table in anxiety, and anticipation hoping every thing would go good and he wouldn't end up saying some thing stupid to embarrass himself. Clare finally showed up and Eli couldn't help but look at her and not just completely lose it, once again he was stuck staring at a gaze at those beautiful ocean blue eyes. "hey… do you always stare at people like this, or is it just with certain people?" Clare said with a chuckle and smile that could make any one forget about what is going on around them. "no… sorry… lets just get started." Eli couldn't believe this, the most amazing girl in school and I act like moron in front of her.

"so I was thinking that I would work behind the camera and document you?" Eli was beyond nervous with the shakiness of his hands, and the queasiness in his stomach he didn't know whether or not he was going to throw up or pass out but he sure as heck did not want to throw up. "Yeah that sounds great, I've always wanted to be in front of the camera," Clare sounded so sweet and sincere about everything and her voice was so calming. "So where should we start first?" Eli was more calm now he was at least able to get through a sentence without the burning sensation of wanting to throw up every 5 minutes.

"Well we could start with my name that would probably be a good start." Clare said playfully and with a slight chuckle and a smile that was worth a thousand words. Eli couldn't help but smile just as much when he was with her.

**Back at home: **

Eli had just gotten home from his first day of school so he sat down but before he knew it his mother came running in like it was his first day of kindergarten, all happy and glowing and before he could get a word out his mom started asking him questions like she always did on his first day of school. "So how was your first day at Degrassi?" she said in a peppy tone. "It was good I met a new friend he is pretty awesome and I'm partnered up with this amazing girl named Clare Edwards for a English assignment." Eli went into his own world when he was talking about her. His mom got this look in her eyes one that he had never seen, and at that moment he was regretting telling her that piece of information.

"So what is she like?" She asked as though he had never mentioned girls, or at least having the biggest crush on one, so you could see why she was excited and full of questions and anxiety. But then again there was probably a reason as to why he never talks about girls as much "Well She has these most enchanting, most intoxicating blue eyes. She has short hair with loose curls, and when she smiles you feel as though anything is possible and you cant help but smile around her." His mom was so stunned and full of joy at the same time, she couldn't help but smile knowing that her son was possibly crushing hard on a girl for the first time. "So will your father and I get to meet this beautiful young lady?"

Eli looked at his mother with a little worry that there might be some humiliation and embarrassment if he were to bring her to the house, he wanted to lie to her so bad but with his mom he couldn't do that. "I don't know when you will, I'll have to take it day by day, plus I'm not sure if anything will happen I think were just going to be friends." "I mean what is the point in starting a relationship if I'm not going to be here long enough to enjoy one?" Eli said with a disappointed, hurt, yet annoyed tone in his voice. He got up and walked to his room his mom looked at him with sorrow and could see the hurt and disappointment in her son's face.

**The next day: **

The next day at Degrassi Eli was feeling so many mixed emotions that he could snap at anyone at any minute. "So are you ok you have been acting kind of strange?" I'm fine." Eli said with a tone so intense that he could let out if some one were to push him the wrong way. "So what time would you like to start the project?" Clare asked in a worried tone, as she had been watching Eli's emotions collide with everyone all day. "why don't we start after school I'll meet you at your locker." Eli was so filled with hate and angry with his parents that if he were to explode he just might end up hurting someone and that someone he did not want to be Clare by any means.

"Ok sounds good." She gave Eli a warm and inviting smile right as he turned around. Right then and there he was able to at least smile for the first time today, without feeling one ounce of hatred or one clench of wanting to throw some one against the locker in the hallways.

**2 hours later: **

The last bell of the day rang with every one every where, running around the hallways, it definitely made it harder for Eli to get to his locker. Eli was pushing through the crowd and with his body shifting from side to side he finally managed to get to his locker, but wasn't really looking forward to going back through the crowd to get to Clare's locker. Eli noticed a shadow with the height of 5'2 he turned around to finding that Clare was right behind him.

"Hey are you ready to go?" asked Clare with a clam yet loud tone, trying to over power the even louder screaming in the background from all the other kids that were in the hallway. "yeah I'm ready, where do you want to go to shoot it at?" Eli was definitely feeling a lot better then earlier and was excited to finally to get to shoot this documentary. "why not the park its one of the most peaceful places." "alright then to the park we go." Eli was trying to be a little flirtatious with her with a little bit of humor. Clare laughed and followed Eli to morty.

They finally pulled up to the park. There was no one there to be found it was as bare as the desert. But they had no problem with it, they were glad that no one was there that way they wouldn't have any distractions to bother them.

They had set up everything so they could start. "So what is your name?" Eli asked as he tried to imitate an interviewer or a news reporter. "Clare Edwards." Clare was definitely more comfortable with Eli then any other guy she has ever been with. "So what is it like on a regular basis ms. Edwards?" there was no doubt in either one of there minds that they had feelings for one another, but they knew nothing could happen right now especially with the project. They had to stay professionals about it.

A week had gone by and Eli and Clare grew really close day after day. "So we have pretty much have gotten everything." Eli said eagerly knowing that they were close to being done. "we just have to add one more thing that's on the list." Clare looked at him with excitement knowing after this last task they were done and she and Eli could possibly go out on a date. "ok so what is it?" "it's a question, what is the biggest secret that no one knows about you not even your friends or family?"


	3. Finding The Answers

Clare looked at Eli with a scared worried look on her face, that look that you get from your parents when you are caught doing something you know you shouldn't be doing. "Are you ok Clare?" "I have to go." Clare said In a in hesitant, shakiness in her voice. She was rushing to pick up her stuff you could tell that she was hiding the way she shuffled her stuff and the way she was stumbling over her feet.

"where are you going we haven't finished yet?" Eli looked at Clare with a worried look as though he had said something wrong. "I've just go to go… I … I told my mom I was going to cook dinner and I totally forgot, can we finish later?" "But Clare why cant we just…" "I said I have to go." Clare shouted with a cry, and Eli looked at her wondering why she cant just stay and finish. "Ok I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" Yeah." Clare said with a faintness in her voice.

**At Clare's House That Night:**

"Clare are you ok , you haven't said a word since you've been home?" asked Clare's mom in a calming tone in her voice that would make anyone feel safe. "Mom can I ask you a question." "You know you can always ask me anything that's what I'm here for." Her mom gave her a look of worry, she could only think what was going through her daughters mind.

"well what would you say if I did come thing, something that was pretty bad?" Clare had the look of worry, not to mention that what she was trying to tell her mom she didn't know how she was going to react. "Well what did you do maybe I can help, it cant be to horrible?" Clare took a long pause wondering if she should say, I mean there is a reason as to why she hasn't said anything to her, her parents, or even her friends.

"umm… its nothing, I just got in trouble for not wearing my uniform to school." Clare looked so frustrated, confused and she just couldn't bring herself to say what was truly bothering her. "Is that it?" Her mom asked blankly and confused. But she was relieved to find out that, that's all that was wrong. "yeah that's it." "Honey I thought you said it was bad?" "that's not even near bad." Her mom threw a smile and a little chuckle as though Clare had committed a crime, the way her daughter had put it. "Well I didn't know how you would react." "Clare its all ok." Her mom gave her a kiss on the head an left her room, so that way Clare could finish her homework.

**Later At Eli's House: **

Eli was pacing back and forth wondering what the hell happened to Clare today it was like she was hiding some thing but what, what was she hiding that she couldn't say out loud? Eli picked up the phone dialing Clare's number hoping to talk to her. But all he got was her answering machine. "Hey this is Clare as you can see I'm not able to come to the phone right now but leave a message and I'll call you back." "Hey Clare this is Eli when you get this message please call me back." Eli fell onto his bed in confusion and anxiety, not knowing what was wrong with Clare.

**The Next Day At Degrassi: **

When Eli got to Degrassi he was looking around for any sign of Clare, but he couldn't see over the swarming crowd of people either kissing, laughing, crying, or even walking as slow as they possible could. But Eli wasn't paying much attention more less did he care what they were doing. Adam came up from behind Eli breaking his focus. "Hey dude where were you I've tried calling you numerous of times?" Adam was panting from running down the hall threw the sea of crowds. "Sorry I've been a little busy with the class project, hey what do you know about Clare." "like does she have a huge secret that no one knows about?" Eli asked with wondering tone as he was also looking for Clare.

"I don't know a whole lot, all I know is something went down last year and she was caught in it." "Why?" Adam gave Eli a confused look he felt like he was missing something. "Well yesterday we were working on the project and I just asked what her secret was, that no one new and she totally freaked out and left." Eli Finally spotted Clare, so he cut of Adam and ran off to catch up with her.

"Like I said that's…" "Hey I got to go." and so Eli ran as fast as he could trying to catch up with Clare before class. And Adam looked at him as he left. "Well good talking to You." Adam said with a sarcasm in his tone.

"Hey Clare can I talk to you?" Eli was worried and hesitant as he asked, not knowing if she'll yell, or get frustrated with him. "Can we talk later I really need to get to class?" Clare said with haste and a rush hoping she wouldn't have to talk or answer his questions. "Yeah sure that's fine." Eli said with a disappointed tone, all he wanted was to know the answer. Clare just smiled, then gave him a nod as she left in a hurry.

**The Bell Rang:**

The last bell of the day had rung and all the kids scattered to get out. Eli was waiting by Clare's locker hoping that he will finally get to talk to her. Clare pulled up to her locker when she had spotted Eli she tried to make a break for it, but before she had the chance to take one last step Eli stopped her and chased after her,

"Clare." Eli shouted from a distance. "Oh hey listen I have to go my mom is waiting for me." "No we are going to talk now." "Listen I'm not going to…" "Now." Eli shouted with a frustrated tone, he was fed up with the excuses she was going to tell him weather or not she wanted to. He didn't are how long it took she was going to speak.

"Ok fine, lets talk." Clare was nervous and shaking at the same time, for this is the first time she was speaking about it in a few years. "Lets go to the park." Eli said with more of a calming tone.

**At The Park:**

Clare was quite the entire ride, she didn't know how he may take this, she had the biggest nervous look on her face and her entire body was warm and shaky inside. They got out of the car and walked over to one of the benches as the awkward silence continued.

"Ok so what is the secret, please just tell me." Eli said with such a sad, but anxious tone in him. "look there is a reason why I haven't told anyone about this not even my parents." Clare gave a look that could make anyone worry. "Well what ever it is, it cant be that bad so come out with it." Eli said in a comforting tone, hoping it would ease the tension a bit.

"You know what, I cant do this I'm not ready." Clare was overwhelmed with emotions that she didn't know what to do. But Eli wasn't about to let Clare get away that easy. "No you are going to tell me what is up."

"No I cant." Clare was getting more and more angry with frustration.

"Just say it, its not that hard." Eli started to raise his voice in anxiety. "No I cant." Clare yelled at Eli

"YES, just say it." Eli was at breaking point to the point of yelling. "NO." all of a sudden there was nothing but yelling filled with both anxiety and angry.

"JUST SAY IT!" "NO!" "SAY IT!" "FINE!" Clare finally broke. "ill say it cause you want to know so dang bad."


	4. Confiding in someone

**Eli's POV: **

The tension rose as I waited to hear what Clare had been hiding for the past two weeks. I started to shake in anticipation and I was still filled with so much anger from yelling that my blood pressure was definitely high.

"I was involved with a gang that was also involved with a shooting two blocks away from the school during freshmen year." Eli had fallen to the ground with disbelief, he was trying to process that someone as kind, sweet, and innocent as she could have done something so terrible. "Any questions?" Clare asked as though she had made a speech in class, though this was even worse, she had committed a crime that she was still dealing with mentally. "Yeah I have one, why were you apart of it?" Eli still had a shocked and lost look in his eye.

"Why were you in a gang, what caused you to think that it would be a good idea?" "I don't know it was just… I wanted to fit In some where I've always stood out no matter where I go, and every one made fun of me so I thought maybe being part of a gang would help." "Why the HELL would you think that?" Eli said with a loud yet scared voice as he backed away from Clare.

"Because in a strange way it did help, for a few months" an awkward silence emerged Eli was far from lost, and speechless. But was no longer scared all he could do was look at her in confusion and worry. "How did it Help?" "Well I definitely became more confident in my choices that I have made, and I'm no longer this awkward dork that everyone saw freshmen year." Clare could definitely see the worry in Eli's eyes but she was hoping maybe he would understand.

"But why was joining a gang the answer?" " that's never the answer." "Why are you asking me as though I'm a horrible person." Clare could get the sense of judgment coming from Eli's voice. "Because I'm trying to understand why the hell you needed to join a gang in order to build some self a steam and respect from others?" Eli was starting to raise his voice again in confusion.

"See this is why I haven't told anyone and why I didn't tell you cause of this reaction, and you've definitely made my decision clear that I' am so not going to tell my parents about this." Clare had reached breaking point, the one person who she thought she could trust and he's decided to judge and ridicule her. "I'm not judging you I'm just so confused, and how do your parents not know about this?" Eli was still trying to get to the bottom of this, and is now wondering how her parents have no clue about this.

"Because I haven't told them yet, I'm afraid that they'll be ashamed of me, disown me, I have never done anything like that especially not since then." Clare was filled with tears and she felt a sense of loneliness that no one could understand… not even Eli. "Clare you have to tell some body, you have to be able to trust someone and family has to be at the top, Clare there the one people that cant and wont judge you." Eli was starting to choke over his own words, he was feeling so much pain for her that he didn't know what to do.

"Can I trust you?" Clare was hopeless at this point, she had reached a point of darkness. Eli just stared at her wondering what to do, he had never been In this situation before. Although he was never at a school long enough to have this happen let alone fall in love with a girl, especially one that doesn't know how he felt about her. "Well… I mean… Clare I cant keep this a secret especially one like this you have to deal with this and you also have to come clean." Eli felt like such a terrible person for saying that but he didn't know what else to do.

"Don't you see I have been dealing with this for the past two years all I have ever felt was guilt, I have too look at his friends every day knowing what I did to them and how much hurt I have caused the family, and you want to know some thing… it sucks." Clare was looking at Eli with so much hurt as she started to cry and she was just hoping he would understand how she felt and would help her out. Eli just looked at her with so much pain he was feeling for her.

"I'm…" Eli didn't even get to finish his sentence Clare got the hint and so she started freaking out as she left. "You know what forget it, I knew you would never understand, thanks for the help." "and you want to know some thing else… you suck." Clare left with a sharp pain in her heart she was beside herself the one guy she thought she could count on had let her down. Eli was filling up with tears, he just wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that he was in love with her, and he was wishing he could take away the pain and the that was just caused.

**Eli's House:**

Eli's mom walks in concern. "Hey honey is everything alright?" "you haven't said a word since you got home from the park." "Mom what If there was something you had to tell but you know its wrong, and you had to let the other person come out with it?" Eli was at a loss not knowing what to do or if he should tell his mom what he heard. "Well if its about the other person and its serious and they haven't said anything yet the best thing to do would be to let that person come out with it on there own." "Why is there something you need to tell me?" Eli's mom looked concerned and confused, she felt like he was hiding something from her. "Its nothing I just had to answer a question for English class." Eli was frustrated that he couldn't tell his mom, but he knew she was right it's Clare's secret and she needs to tell everyone including her parents when she is ready.

**At Degrassi:**

A week had gone by. Clare was trying to avoid Eli as much as possible she wasn't ready yet to talk to him. She had this terrible fear that he maybe had told somebody and that he possible might hate her. But she was having a hard time trying to avoid him especially because she had really strong feelings for him… she was in love with him. Clare approached her locker and much to her dismay she looked over and saw Eli getting into his locker, this made her more nervous knowing that they had English class together next.

**The Bell Rang:**

Clare had approached the room and she noticed that Eli wasn't there and she was thinking in her head thank goodness. Eli had finally arrived he was walking with Adam he sat down at his desk. "Hey Clare." Eli said with a hesitant tone. "Hey." Clare said with a softness in her voice and a little bit of a shakiness in her tone as she looked passed Eli's head praying for Mrs. Dawes to start the class. Her prayers had been answered. "Hello Class I hope you have your projects today cause were going to share them." Clare was nervous she didn't know what Eli had done, if he had edited out the secret or not. A half an hour had gone by and the more people that had gone the more nervous Clare got." "Eli Gold and Clare Edwards your up." Eli looked at Clare and he could see the mixed of emotions that were running through her eyes all the way down to the shakiness of her hand and body.

**The Bell Rang:**

"Ok I guess were going to have to wait until next class to do it, Clare, Eli you guys will be up first." Clare showed a sigh of relief but also anxiety now she wont be able to stop thinking about it. "So I was wondering if you wanted to grab some coffee after school, and I was wondering if we could talk about what happened." Eli was hoping to hear a yes, he just couldn't stop thinking about Clare and he just wanted to clear the air with her, so that way things could go back to normal. Oh if only things were that simple. "Uh… I guess we could talk." Clare wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to him, but she couldn't avoid him, or the situation forever.

**After School:**

Clare and Eli were sitting outside drinking coffee in an awkward silence, then Eli started. "Ok so first off I just wanted to let you know that I haven't to my parents or anyone what you told me." Eli was hoping for no fighting this time, so he started off on a positive note. "Thanks, that means a lot." Clare looked at Eli with a huge smile. "So does this mean that your not going to tell anyone?" Clare looking hopeful. "I don't know Clare this is pretty major." Eli said in a sigh but he was just unsure what to do, he wanted to help her but he was unsure that this he could keep a secret especially from his family. But he knew this meant a lot to her. "I guess I can keep it a secret, but only for a week after that you have to tell your parents, no matter what." "Yeah ok, I promise, thank you." Clare had felt like a wait had been lifted and she felt so much better then she ever had. And Eli loved seeing her smile so he felt like less of a jerk.

**A Week Has Past: **

Over the past week Clare and Eli had been getting even more and more close. They had been happier then they both have ever been. But as the day got closer and closer Clare was getting more and more nervous to tell her parents what had happened two years ago but she knew she had to tell them sooner or later. But she couldn't bring herself to tell them.

"So are you ready to come clean, confess the entire thing?" Eli was looking at Clare in hopes that she will go and confide into her parents. "Uh… Yeah I'm ready, I'll tell them tonight." Clare said in a stuttered yet hesitant tone. "Ok good I'm glad your finally going to tell them, I'm proud of you." Eli had this smile on him that could bring a dark room and turn it into warmth. "Thanks, hey I'm going to go back to the house so I can think of how I want to tell them." Clare was more nervous then ever, but she hadn't plan on going home just yet. "Ok well call me when you get done so I know when to come over." Eli was over joyed that she was finally going to do something about this. Eli felt like he had made a break through in her.

**Later That Night:**

It was about 8:00 p.m. and Eli was about to call Clare to see how her parents took it. But he got a call for Adam he sounded shook up and beyond scared.

**Eli- **oh hey Adam can I call you back I was about to call Clare

**Adam- **yeah that's why I was sort of calling…

**Eli- **She's where?

Eli couldn't think but he had to get to Clare as soon as possible, before anything else could happen.

**Eli Drives Up To A Bridge:**

Eli got out of the car racing to Clare hoping to spot her. He finally saw her. She was on the edge of the Bridge with a bottle of alcohol in her hand as she was crying her eyes out. "Clare what the hell are thinking?" Eli called out with a shook up sound in his voice. "Eli I cant do it, I'm way to scared cause of what they might do." Clare wasn't sure what to do anymore. Eli was scared but didn't want to show it all he cared about was getting her down from there before she killed herself. "Clare this is crazy, your parents have got to know regardless of what will happen." Clare just stared at him and then she looked down at the water.

"Eli I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like my life is coming apart one by one." Clare started to cry even harder to the point where she started to choke on every word she said. "I feel like I have nothing anymore." "that's crazy, you have some one who is crazy about you and has been since the day he got there." Eli was going to tell Clare finally how he felt. "Oh yeah who, who would possibly want to be with someone as screwed up as me?" Clare was just filled with hurt and angry. "Me, Clare I love you!" Eli was nervous but he knew he had to say it and that may have been his only chance.

"You love me?" Clare was more shocked then she had ever been but she was more then over joyed that he loved her. "But why, why do you love me?" "Because you are the sweetest person I have ever met not to mention funny, kind and beyond beautiful." Eli could go on forever but he still had to get her down and it was also starting to rain.

"I love you too." Clare said with the biggest smile on her face. "So please tell your parents, if it helps I'll go with you, ill be there through it all." Eli was hoping that this would get her down. "You Promise?" Clare said with a hopeful voice. "I Promise, just please come down." Eli said with hope. Clare looked at him and she crawled down and Eli was there to catch her, he was more then happy. He gave her a passionate kiss as he pulled her close to him. "Come on we have to go." Eli said with a half smile as she looked at him. She felt so safe with him, she returned the half smile as they made there way to the car.


	5. Pushing Past The Hard Times

**Eli Pulling Up to The House:**

Eli and Clare were pulling up to her house. Clare's body was shaking with fear and anxiety, there was so much going through her mind but Eli was holding her hand the whole ride home. All he could do was look at her with so much joy but at the same time he feared for what could happen after telling her parents what there daughter did.

"Its going to be ok, I'm going to be right next to you every step of the way, and Clare your parents will still love you know matter what happens" Eli was looking at her with a warm look, a look that you know your safe. He also gave her a reassuring tone and a smile that could make any girl melt. "Thanks Eli, but I'm not sure I can do this." Clare was so devastated to have to tell her parents that she was an ex-gang member. For about a minute, there was an awkward silence. "Let's do it" Clare wasn't sure if she was going to pass out or just throw up, either way she knew she had to tell them.

**Later At Clare's House: **

Clare and Eli had been at Clare's house for about a half an hour before Clare had told them what had happened freshmen year. The silence was more awkward then normal, so Care thought no better time to tell them then right now. "Mom, dad, there is some thing that I need to tell you and I'm not sure how your going to take it." Clare's parents had never looked more worried then they had right now. "what's going on?" "your not pregnant are you?" Clare's parents were full of emotions not knowing what there daughter had been hiding. "No I'm not pregnant, I…" There was a long pause and Clare's voice was shaking like she was going to throw up right on the living room floor, Eli gabbed her hand to help with the shaking. Clare then looked at Eli and finally got the strength to say what she needed to say.

Clare took a deep breath and just said it. "I was involved in a gang freshmen year." Clare felt the sigh of relief, knowing that her parents knew what had happened, it made her feel like a weight had just been lifted off of her shoulders. "Any questions?" Clare asked as she saw the look on her parents face and the awkward silence that just emerged. Her mom cleared her throat. "Why were you apart of a gang?" Her mom asked with a calm voice even though that's not what she was really feeling, but she wanted to be there for her daughter and help her in any way possible.

"Because I was an outcast, people took one look at me and thought, oh look at her she's a nerd lets find a new way to humiliate her." Clare started choking on her words as she thought back to freshmen year. "Clare if you felt that way then why didn't you come and talk to us?" Clare's dad asked with a hurt tone in his voice thinking that his daughter could ever feel that way. "Because I was ashamed I mean Darcy never had that problem, I mean she was always cool and so graceful." Clare was hurting so much inside, at that point where Eli moved in closer to Clare and pulled her closer to him in a passionate side hug and while still holding her hand as she started to cry.

"Clare let's get one thing straight you are beautiful, your smart and you have the biggest heart that we know, and we just hope that the next time you have a problem like this you'll come and tell us and not resort to doing something as violent as joining a gang." Clare's parent's were still angry but just relieved that she finally had the courage to tell them what had been burdening her for the past 2 years. Eli turned her around so that her parent's could give her a hug and so that way they could talk some more. Eli slipped out the front door so he could give them time alone. "Here is what we will do we will send you to a therapist and so you can et every thing out in the open and just so you can talk through what else has been bothering you since the incident." Clare's parents said with a soothing and calming tone. "That sounds great thanks." Clare said with a relaxed and a relieved tone.

**Later At Eli's House:**

Eli had just got home from Clare's house, as he walked in he noticed that his parent's needed to talk to him cause they had that look on there face that said we hope Eli will take the news ok, but he knew it couldn't be good he was definitely afraid to ask what was wrong. "Eli we have some thing we need to tell you, and we hope you wont get ticked at us." Ceecee and Bullfrog were definitely worried about there sons reaction when they were going to have to tell him they were going to be moving again. "What's wrong you guys look like you just robbed a bank." Eli was very hesitant as to what the answer might be. "Honey were… we have to move in the next two weeks." CeeCee was definitely hurting so much inside, she looked as though she was going to cry she knew that Eli was making friends and possible about to have a girlfriend although she had no clue that tonight he had told Clare that he loved her. "WHAT!" Eli was so angry he wanted to punch his fist threw the wall, he was wondering how they could be moving after just a month and half, all he could think was how Clare was going to rake this after he just told her he would be there for her and that he was in love with her.

"Honey were sorry we know you were making friends and possible on the verge of having a girlfriend…" There sentence was cut off by Eli. "No, not on the verge of having a girlfriend I have a girlfriend as of tonight and I told her I would be there for her, plus I told her I was in love with her, now what am I supposed to tell her, oh I'm sorry what I told you it was all a big load of CRAP?" Eli was beyond upset that you could see his veins popping out of his forehead. "Eli were really sorry but we have no control over this, its how the world works, maybe you guys could try the long distance thing." His dad said with a calm voice hoping that Eli would calm down, but no chance Eli was beyond angry. "This bites monkeys and the way the world has turned out for me right now SUCKS!" Eli walked away to his room, all he wanted to do was cry and just throw something, but he knew that wasn't going to make his dads job change there mind.

**Later that night in Eli's Room: **

Eli was just laying down on his bed and staring at the ceiling, he had been doing that for the past hour, he then heard a knock on his window, it was Clare. His face had lit up just seeing her face but that also brought such hurt to him knowing that he has to tell her that he is moving in two weeks. "Hey what are you doing here?" Eli asked with such joy as Clare entered his room. "I just wanted to thank you for every thing that you've done, you mean everything to me and its just nice knowing that I have someone as amazing, supportive and not judgmental guy there for me, all the other guys have been such jerks in the past." Clare said with such joy and happiness. "Well I'm glad that I could be there for you, you really deserve it" Eli said with a low toned voice as though he could cry at any moment, but he said it with a warm smile in his eyes. "are you ok?" Clare asked as she looked at Eli with a concerned look on her face. "Yeah everything is fine just a crazy night." Eli said with a reassuring smile. "Ok good, hey would you mind if I crashed her for the night its late and my parents are asleep so I don't want to wake them." Clare was hoping for there to be a yes, she had one of those smiles on her face that always got to Eli one way or another. "Yeah you can stay." Eli was thrilled that she wanted to stay the night, besides this could probably be the only time they really got to see each other. Clare gave him an even bigger smile.

So they laid done in his bed. Clare slowly started to fall asleep and Eli just laid there with his arms wrapped around her while he held her hand. Eli had never felt so happy and yet so sad in his life all he wanted to do was freeze time for this moment right now. They slowly fell asleep and then a voice had whispered. "I love you." and Eli woke up and said, "I love you too." as he said that he had a tear drop falling from his eyes as he went to sleep still in the same position, with his arms wrapped around her while he held her hand.


	6. Holding On To The Moments

**The Next Day: **

The next day approached and Clare and Eli were laying cuddled up in the bed, as Eli's mom knocked on the door. "Knock, knock are you awake Eli?" The pair of them woke up in a startle, they both had forgotten that they had fallen asleep together. "oh I'm sorry I had no idea that you had someone over." Eli's mom said in a shocked but yet thrilled tone. "Yea sorry mom Clare stayed the night, I would of asked but you guys were sleeping." Eli was trying to cover up the awkwardness of the conversation.

"its all good it doesn't look like anything happened." CeeCee was just over whelmed which made her feel even more guilty that she was dragging away her son to what might be the only good thing that has happened to him, since they had moved there. "Oh honey don't forget to start packing." Eli's mom said without really thinking that her son may not have said one word to her, seeing as how he was still pretty pissed at his parents.

"Hahaha… right cause of the camping trip that were taking in a few days, got it." Eli was so frustrated at his parents that not even the awkward laugh could seem to hide the hurt in his eyes, knowing that he was going to have to tell Clare the one person he has ever cared about is moving. "Eli what's going on?" Clare asked in a moderate tone, Eli looked at Clare there was no way he could bring himself to tell her the truth, besides Clare and Eli have been friends for a month in a half and she would see right through his lie.

"Um… I'm going to visit my cousin for the weekend and so I have to get started packing cause it's about a two day drive and I'm leaving in… less then 72 hours." Eli's heart seemed to hurt even more and more the one person he is in love with is the same person he made a promise to, he had no clue how he was going to bring himself to say, Clare I'm moving about 3,000 miles away. There was just no way he was going to be able to put that into words.

"Oh ok, well do you need help packing?" Clare asked without any real idea why she was helping Eli pack. "That's ok, your parents are probably wondering where you are, don't want to keep them worried." Eli said with a heavy voice and a fake smile. "alright if your sure, I'll see you later?" Clare said with a confused but a reassured voice that made Eli feel like everything will soon be alright in the world, and that smile made his heart feel like they are the only two in the world at this exact moment in time.

As Clare left his room Eli couldn't help but feel like half of his heart had been taken and stomped upon by his parents. "Well I hope your happy, the one good thing in my life that was finally going the way I wanted it and now I'm going to move, thanks mom you really know how to make your son feel 1,000 times better." Eli was beyond frustrated that not even a simple sorry would cut it anymore. "You know no one ever asked if I loved all of this moving around, no one asked me if I loved dads job, and no one ever asked me hey how would you feel like moving." "But no only those conversations and those questions are between you two, thanks for making me feel apart of this family, really I feel so wanted." Eli had all of this built up anger that after seven years it was all coming out in pure hatred towards Bullfrogs' job.

"Honey I'm sorry but sometimes life doesn't always go as you would have planned." Ceecee was trying so hard not to cry in front of Eli for she couldn't imagine what it is like for her son to have to leave his first love behind. "Could you please go I would just like to be alone?" Eli was trying so hard not to want to punch his fist threw a wall or want to break something!

**The Next Day At School: **

The next had approached Eli was counting down to the last minute that he had to spend with Clare and tell her that he was moving. "Hey I'm off to school, I'll be home late so don't wait up." Eli was in the most annoyed mood today that he wished he could run away and he could take Clare with him and they could live happily-ever-after. Unfortunately he knew that the world didn't work that way. "Ok have a great day at school, good luck!" That was the last thing Eli could hear as he slammed the front door.

**Later At Degrassi: **

Eli was hoping to avoid Clare at all cost, but he knew that sooner or later that he would have to tell her he was just hoping she was in a great mood, that would definitely make telling her a lot easier. "Hello my emo boy" Clare said with a sexy voice that got Eli's attention really fast. "haha why hello miss Edwards" Eli said as he turned rapidly in his seat as he gave Clare a warm smile that always makes Clare's heart skip a beat. "So hey after school would you mind going for a drive, I need to talk to you?" Eli was saying with a sigh hoping that even after he tells her they will still be friends. "Sure is everything ok?" Clare asked in confused tone that made her worried. "yea everything's fine." Eli felt so bad for lying cause deep down inside he knew that everything isn't alright.

**A Few Hours Later: **

Eli was looking for Adam, hoping that maybe he would be of some help, Eli finally spotted Adam at his locker. "Hey Adam could we talk for a sec?" Eli was so unsure of what to do now that he was willing to ask anyone for there advice even if it wasn't the best. "Yea sure, dude what's going on?" Adam said in a happy voice not knowing what Eli was going to say next. "ok, well I'm moving at the end of the week, but I still have yet to tell Clare, cause I made a promise to always be there for her no matter what, and not to mention that two days ago I told her that I was in love with her, so just… how do I tell her I'm moving 3,000 miles away?" Eli finally exhaled after getting all of that into one breath. "Wow you are in a fix." Adam said with a worry look, once again he thought to himself how lucky he was that he wasn't going through this, he thought to himself how difficult it must be to go through this.

"Exactly so what am' I supposed to do?" Eli's voice was starting to get heavy again, the only thing he wished was that this wasn't happening to him. "well I'm guessing your going to have to tell her sooner or later, cause after a few days the girl is going to notice. Adam was saying in a sarcastic yet sincere tone. "Thank you captain obvious I mean how should I tell her?" Eli was so frustrated that it was getting to the point where he didn't want to talk to anybody all he wanted to do was crawl up into a corner and just start crying.

**After School: **

The bell had just rung and Eli was trying to stall to get to his car so that way maybe he wouldn't have to tell her the bad news which he implied was nothing at all. But then he thought of an idea… he could run away and no one would know, then he couldn't break her heart more then he was about to.

Eli ran out the door and got into his car so fast that he probably could have been supper man. He started the car and was going 10 miles over the normal speed limit. He finally arrived home he went straight up stairs to pack this was perfect because his parents were gone and they would never know he had left.

**Back At Degrassi:**

Back at Degrassi Clare was waiting patiently for Eli but it had been over 20 minutes and she was starting to get worried but as the time passed more and more she got even more worried to the point of anger, so she started to walk home. As she started walking home she thought she saw a 17 year old boy riding a hearse so she started yelling at it. "Where the heck have you been, I've been waiting at Degrassi for almost a half hour." Clare was so angry that a few seconds later she realized that, that wasn't Eli. "Sorry I thought you were my boyfriend." All Clare could think of was where is Eli?

**2 Days Have Gone By:**

Two days had gone by that Clare had not seen Eli, so she went to his house, and knocked on the door hoping for some answers. "Hey Mrs. Goldsworthy, do you have any idea where Eli is, a few days ago he needed to talk to me and I was supposed to meet him at his car, but he never showed." Clare started to get worried and so she started pacing on the porch with her voice very panicky. "Whoa, Whoa, come inside we need to talk to you." Both Eli's parents guided the way into the living room and sat her down so they could brace her for what Eli was going to say but couldn't. "Clare, we need to tell you some thing but we cant tell you all of it cause Eli needs to tell you the rest." CeeCee was trying to reassure Clare that everything could be ok if she let it. "I'm really scared Eli said it wasn't anything, if its not nothing then what is it?" Clare's voice had a quick change in tone. "Bullfrog his job allows…" CeeCee's voice started to fade.

Clare went to try and find Eli, the last place she thought of was the one place she would never thought he would go.

Clare found Eli's car in the woods. So she started to yell out his name. "ELI!" "ELI!" and before she knew it a body shot out from the car. "Would you stop yelling your going to strain your lungs. Eli knew that scream from any where so when he tried to run away the one person he was trying to avoid was right there blocking him. "Eli what the heck are you doing you had me worried sick?" Clare had the sigh of relief in her voice knowing that Eli was ok. "Look, I'm sorry alright, I just needed to get away so I could think." Eli said with a weak voice. "Why did you need to get away, what's going on?" "Please just tell me." Clare said with a soft toned voice as she locked eyes with Eli.

"It's just… I… I'm moving and I just didn't know how to tell you, its been hurting me so much in side." Eli's voice weakened as he slowly dropped to the ground in tears with his eyes slowly drifting away from Clare's. "Eli why didn't you tell me, instead of running off?" Clare felt more hurt for Eli then she had ever felt for anyone she has ever known. "Because for once something good finally happened in my life and now all of a sudden its being taken away from me in an instant" Eli finally broke down and finally opened up to Clare. For seven years he has kept everything bottled up inside, but for the first time he felt the sigh of relief.

Clare just sat there listening to Eli and gave him this look that was filled with so much love. "Eli, I love you, and I promise this that you could never lose me even if that means you are moving." Eli looked at her and wondered how she could be so understanding and so wonderful, he couldn't help but just feel so much love for her. All he wanted to do was kiss her, but he loved just talking with her. "Can I tell you something?" Clare asked with so much sincerity and kindness. Eli nodded his head. "You are the one person who has ever treated me like I matter, everyone else treats me like I'm just some sort of wall ornament, like I cant handle my own battles or my own life." Clare had never felt this close to anybody. So it didn't matter that he was moving all that matter was the minutes they had left to spend together. "Well you deserve all the wonderful things in your life, cause guess what… you are amazing, you the only person I have ever fallen in love with or ever felt this close to." Eli finally was able to let all of his anger go and just live in the moment that they have together. So Eli took Clares hand and looked lovingly into her eyes with such a kind hearted spirit and smile, as they slowly leaned in for a kiss and then cuddled up to each other and laid down on the ground.

"You know this is probably the most amazing night I have ever spent with anyone, other then a few nights ago." Clare just looked up at Eli and smiled. "Yea well lets saver the moment while we can, I leave in 24 hours." Eli said with a soft whisper. "Well that wont be a problem, cause as long as I'm here with you every minute is special." Clare was just looking up into the sky as she slowly fell asleep in Eli's arms, Eli pulled Clare even closer wishing he could stop time and be like this forever.

**The Next Day: **

Clare was helping Eli pack stuff into the loading van. "Well that's the last of it" Bullfrog was eager to get a move on, but also realized that where there at now was the nicest place they have ever stayed. Clare looked at Eli and went in for a hug that was worth more then a thousand words. Eli just held tight not wanting to let go, but realized at some point, he would have to. "Call me when you get to your new house." Clare whispered gently into Eli's ear. Eli just closed his eyes wanting to remember the sound of her gentle voice. Eli just nodded as he gave Clare one last kiss, as he pulled away she grabbed his arm in brought him back in for a passionate kiss that he would never forget! "I Love you Clare." Eli said with a soft voice. "I love you too." Clare said as she started to get chocked up as she tried to give him a warm loving smile, as she waved goodbye to him.

After the car had left Clare sat on the curb as she just broke down into tears. She thought to herself if she would ever see him again, or if there relationship would fall to nothing more then just friendship? Either way the one guy she loved and cared about most was gone.


	7. Holding onto a memory

Eli had left, Clare couldn't Believe it. All she could do is sit on the soaking wet poarch of Eli's house. All Clare wanted to do was scream

but she couldn't. She couldn't even cry, smile, or even move. She just sat there soaking wet, her body turning ice cold due to the horride

weather. She felt completely emotionless. As Clare's body started to go numb, she stared blankely into the rain and realized this is the greatest

love she will probably ever know. It was a love that she couldn't soon forget. After all you ever really forget your first love?

***Clares house several hours later:**

It had been several hours snice Clare had left to say goodbye to Eli, and Mr. and Mrs. Edwards were in the living room. Mr. Edwards was pacing

back and forth till the room wasn't visible. Mrs. Edwards was sitting on the couch biting her nails and calling her daughter till she heard the door

slam shut. "CLARE EDWARDS." her parents screamed as though Clare were deaf and trying to wake up the neighbor hood. "Clare where the

heck have you been young lady, your father and I have been worried sick?" Clare didn't respond she just continued up the stairs while her mom

continued to scream and yell at her. Her mom was appauled that her daughter was completely ignoring her as though she had no clue she was

there. "Clare I am talking to you, do yoiu have any idea what time it is?" Clare finally decided to answer her mother's annoying and raspy voice

and the questions that came along with it. "Sorry I didn't call." that was all Clare could bring herself to say. But she said those words with a

heavy heart and voice. Mr. and Mrs. Edwards noticed a sort of numbness about her. "Clare are you okay?" Her mother asked distan and

broken hearted daughter, with no idea of the pain that she is going through. But Clare didn't answer, she just proceeded to her room.

Clare curled up in her bed wishing desperately that Eli could hold her in his arms and make this horrble pain go away. She didn't sleep, she just

laid there wondering why her, wondering why God hated her so much.

***Week 1 gone by**:

Clare hadn't eaten in a week, she only slept an hour a day, but even then when she tried to sleep she always envisioned Eli there. she always

saw her and Eli kissing and hugging. But even those dreams couldn't help her escape the heart break that she was feeling, so she didn't find

any reason to sleep. Clare had officially blocked everything and everyone around her out of her life. She hadn't even gone to school.

***1 Month gone by:**

As the days went on Clare had pretty much became a mute to the world. She went day by and night by night hoping she would hear Eli's voice,

and hopping this was a horrible dream, a horrble dream she could soon wake up from. Mrs. Edwards knocked on her daughter's door hopping

she would just say something so that her mom and dad would know she was still alive. "Clare, sweetheart, can you please open the door?"

Clare didn't move or say a word, she just flipped her body away from the door. her mom finally was able to open the door. "Clare, honey, please

talk to me, and maybe... I don't know I can help." Mrs. Edwards sighed and was going to see if she could help bring her daughter back to her

old slef. "I know it can be hard loosing your first love, but that can't stop you from living your life." "Eli would want you to be happy." Clare rolled .  
her eyes. "He's not dead mom, just 750 miles away." Mrs. Edwards smiled in relief, happy to hear her daughters beautiful voice again. "I didn't

mean it like that, I just meant he would want you to move on." "He would want you to be happy and live life to the fullest. Her mom started to

up, knowing how unhappy her daughter had become. She wished with all her heart that a hug would make her feel better like when she was

six. But the truth is, she is no longer six years old. She was a beautiful 17 year old with a crushed and broken heart. And nothing she could do

or say coul make her feel any better. "Clare i saw the way he looked at you, he loved you so much that he would die for you." "You definitely lit

up when you were with him." Her mom was crying so hard now to the point where she couldn't speak any more. She had never seen her

daughter so distorted from anything before, it just broke her heart into pieces. And for the first time in months Clare gave her mom a hug and

tears poored from her eyes. "I just miss him so much, I dont know how to be me without him." "It just hurts so much, all I wanna do is to be able

to see his face and to hear his voice." Clare hadn't spoken in months and so to be able to tell her mom about this, and the fact her mom

wanted to listen to her, it just made her feel so much closer to her mom.


End file.
